Beatrix pottering: Sun, sand, and Pirates

Thursday morning started early for me - 3.30am to be precise. The funeral had been lovely - a really wonderful celebration of Aunty Cicely's life, and it was great to see my parents and all the Siddalls, particularly my godfather Stuart. Then I'd had a quiet night in a Manchester Airport hotel before my early start. I had very much enjoyed my hotel alone time to start with, but by 8pm on Wednesday night I have to admit I was looking forward to getting home. And thanks to the crack of dawn flight, I was home by 9.30am.

First stop was, of course, Chameli's for breakfast. Then after a little potter in the flat, we decided to hit the beach. It was a glorious day: sunny, warm, no wind; and it was a Spanish bank holiday, so the beach was busy - but in a fun, full of life rather than a manic way. We got some sunbeds and an umbrella and settled in.

It was great. Jemima played in the sand, I had a snooze, Kevin sunbathed - grey, rainy Manchester was a dim memory. We had lunch at the friendly (Council-run) beach bar and whiled away the day. Then I disappeared to get my photos taken for my new coaching website (a slightly strange but fun experience, trying to smile encouragingly in a Mallorcan field), while Kevin and Jemima carried on the beach fun until the early evening.

The sun had been surprisingly hot, and when we reconvened at the flat, Kevin and I realised our slightly blasé attitude had been punished: I had burned shins, and Kevin had a burned chest (Jemima, of course, had been Factor 50'd). Clearly summer is on its way. Lots of after sun needed, then we wandered into the village for dinner. The top-rated restaurant locally is one of those "cook your own steak on a hot rock" places, but it had been closed up to now. It turned out tonight was its season opening! And we were first through the door. Lovely staff (a Scottish husband and wife run it), and a good steak - although Kevin finds the hot stone thing a bit of a gimmick. Followed by a final drink and a dance with a still-enthusiastic Jemima in the bar of the hotel across the road. A jolly home-coming.

Kevin woke up on Friday morning with an inspired idea: it was Mallorca's famous Pirate Adventure's opening night. So we booked tickets! Jemima was beside herself with excitement. And then we had a whole day during which to keep her calm...

Friday being run day, we thought we'd try a tag team approach. So we all went to the marina, Kevin and I kitted out; and while Jemima and I played Penguin Pairs in Diablito's, Kevin did his 28 minutes; then we swapped, and he and Jemima ate pizza while I ran. The marina was busy - the Easter holidays plus Spanish bank holiday meant lots of people. But, like the beach, it was fun busy rather than too much. It would be interesting to see it in high season...

After a little siesta (for me at least - I do love a nap), and some quiet time for Kevin and Jemima, it was time - off to Magaluf we went! It was very different from our first trip: it had been a ghost town when we first came in January, but today the streets were busy with strolling families. We joined the queue of hardy and optimistic holiday makers, with bare legs and summer sandals (needless to say, I was still in my coat and boots...), and after a little wait we were seated in a large auditorium with a stage full of tables for eight. Our table buddies were two sisters and their sons, probably aged about 8. It was a bit like one of the dinner shows we had been to in Puy du Fou (that brilliant theme park in France) crossed with the (excellent) Pirate Show in Great Yarmouth. What's not to like?!

Each area of the auditorium had a nominated "captain" (I'm still not sure why), and after ours - Sir Francis Drake (played, with a lack of irony, by one of the Spanish members of the international cast) came over to introduce himself with much swashbuckling, Jemima was inspired to draw him a treasure map. We later tracked him down and gave it to him - he was slightly bemused at first but made all the right noises, which was kind. (She then later kept asking when her treasure map would appear in the show - this was, it turns out, her motivation - she wanted to get involved as much as possible).

After a reasonable dinner of roast chicken and chips - accompanied by free unlimited soft drinks, beer and (undrinkable) sangria, all included in the ticket price - it was the start of the show! And it was great. A slightly thin plot (a French baddie being taken on by a confederacy of English and Spanish pirates) framed some really great acrobatics - people swinging from the ceiling on ribbons, human towers, a fun "drunken sailor" section using a trampoline hidden in the pirate ship - plus the equivalent of a pantomime dame, and the "Pirettes", the ubiquitous scantily-clad dancers. It was all in English, and reminded me very strongly of pantomime, to the extent that at one point I found myself shouting, "he's behind you!".

Jemima was entranced, shouting and cheering along. Although I think she actually enjoyed her sword fights with the boys on our table the most - they were very sweet and were being gentle with her, while she was attacking with gusto. But thankfully no-one was hurt... And she made it to the end of the show at 9.30pm without falling asleep. A great evening's entertainment.